Apologizes to Rod Sterling for that introduction. But, it gets to the point of today's F.U. rant. So, men, this one is for those of us who have been sent to this dreaded zone. And if you've never been sent there, pay attention, cause one day, it can happen to you.
Men, ever walk into a bar, maybe a club, and see a girl who catches your eyes? You are eyeing her, she is eyeing you. And you figure, green light! So, you make your move. You buy her a drink, she accepts. The two of you talk, maybe dance, have a few more drinks. At the end of the night, you take her home, walk her to her door, and phone numbers are exchanged. You hang out a few times, and you are really liking this girl. So, one day, you decide to make a move. Maybe you try kissing her. or maybe you bring up the subject of dating. And she turns you down. She says you are just a friend, that she doesn't like you in that way. Feeling stupid, and rejected, you accept that and forget about the fact you ever made that move. And you keep her around as a friend because you really enjoy her company. But, in the back of your mind, you know you have been put into the FRIEND ZONE.
Or how about this scene, which is fits today's computer aged society. You meet a girl online. Emails are exchanged, then pictures, and finally phone numbers. The girl is attractive, at least to you, and you are excited about meeting her. So, you make a date and all goes well. Then one night, while talking to her, she tells you about a guy she just met and how hot he is and how gorgeous his car is, how he has a high paying job, and is worth a lot of money. She is madly in love. The only reaction you can have is: good luck with him. You've just been put in the FRIEND ZONE.
But, that's not all. How many times, over the course of your friendship with either girl from above, does the girl whine and moan and cry to you, saying over and over how she cannot find a nice guy? Probably more times than you care to remember. And how many times do you want to pop your ear drums just to stop hearing the whining?
I'll let you in on something that happened to me. I met this girl, we'll call her Allison, through a working relationship. Her company cleared the work my company would process. Her job was as customer service representative. If there was a problem on my side of the work equation, I would have to call her department for assistance. One day, I had an issue and called. She answered and helped me out with the issue. From there, her and I started emailing at work (probably not the smartest thing to do since corporate emails are monitored, but we weren't saying anything private or dirty). We exchanged pictures (via personal email this time). And instantly I thought the girl was gorgeous. She was (and still is) beautiful. I developed a major interest in her. But, I kept it professional at work.
However, she was asking me a lot of personal questions. They were questions you'd ask someone you were interested in. The consensus between my friends and I was she liked me. With that, we made plans to meet one day after work for some drinks. Which, we did.
There is a restaurant/bar in the building where my office is located. We met there. I ordered her a drink, and we took a seat at a table. And we talked, and talked, and laughed, and talked. The two of us hit it off. I thought something may have been developing, but still, had to take things slow because I don't like to force things to happen. Unless I am given the green light, then all bets are off.
So, there we are, having a few drinks, laughing, sharing stories. And then she had to leave to get home to her daughter. We decided to meet up on Friday after work, where she didn't have to worry about getting home early since the daughter was to be with her father (she was a single mom but her and the father shared custody of the daughter).
Friday comes and sure enough, she shows up to the restaurant/bar to meet me. We take a seat at the same table actually, and once again, we have a few drinks. This time, she meets my co-workers. And we all hang out in a group. The night was getting late, she was getting tired, and said she wanted to leave. I was beat by that time, and said I'd leave with her. We live in the same town, and I figured we could travel together. She accepted. I dropped her off at her house with a promise we would talk over the weekend.
Monday rolls around. I get an email from her apologizing for not calling me. I said it was no big deal, things happen. She then proceeds to ask me about one of the guys I work with. This line of questioning took me by surprise. Why would she be asking me about a guy I worked with? Weren't her and I hitting it off? I thought so.
Anyway, the guy she was asking me about, we'll call him Dean, was a major player. And yet, the girls loved him. He had a following no matter where he went. Females just gravitated toward him. He had a choice of any female he wanted, any day of the week, any night he wanted some female companionship. All he had to do was snap his fingers and a girl was there to give herself to him. So, I'm in a bind. Do I tell her the truth about him, and risk sounding jealous? Or do I lie, and risk losing her to this guy? So, I told her something in the middle of the truth and a lie.
Anyway, to get to the point. Fuzzy was out. Dean was in. And he was in in a big way. Once again, Fuzzy lost the girl. And once again, Dean got the girl he wanted. Yes, Fuzzy was a pissed off male at that point. But, also as part of my character, I remained this girl's friend. Once I saw I lost her, I figured nothing more to lose, so I told her the truth about him, By then, too late. She was charmed and blinded by this guy, so she didn't believe me.
Of course, until, he cheated on her. She caught him only once, but I'm sure he cheated on her any chance he got. That was the kind of guy he was. Yes, he was an asshole. Like I said, though, she was charmed and enchanted by him. And, as predicted, she called me crying, "Why can't I find a nice guy? I always find the assholes. Just once I want to find a nice guy who will like me for me, treat me right, and not cheat on me."
Um, hello Allison, you DID meet that guy. That guy was me. And you tossed me into that dreaded FRIEND ZONE. You allowed yourself to be charmed by a dog. So, no, I didn't feel bad for you. I was just annoyed that I had to listen to your whining about always going for the assholes.
And why is it that females are attracted to assholes? Do women really love to be treated like a pile of dog excrement? Is it really in their genetic make up to want to be treated like a piece of raw meat? To be chewed up and spit out when the guy is finished with you? I never understood why you ladies pass up the nice guys and always go for those bozos with the slicked back hair, or gelled spike cuts, shirts unbuttoned to their frigging stomach, and twenty gold chains around their neck. That should be a warning sign, not an invitation to your neden! (Don't know what a neden is? Listen to Insane Clown Posse and you'll know real quick).
I should say, in fairness, not ALL women are like this. There are some women out there who do appreciate a good guy. Though, I will say, every woman HAS been this way at least once in her life, going for the asshole/bad boy while pushing a nice guy to the FRIEND ZONE. Some women mature and realize the nice guy is the best guy. Other women? Well, they never grow up to appreciate nice guys. Maybe lack of self esteem? Who knows. Personally, I don't care. You bring it on yourselves, so stop whining about finding only assholes and dogs. You gravitate toward them because YOU WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE CRAP!
How many hearts of good guys have been broken and crushed because the girl was, at one time, blinded and charmed by the asshole? How many men refuse to even get into relationships now because of past experiences? And how many nice guys became assholes because, let's face it, women are attracted to them?
So men, join me in giving these females who only go for assholes while pushing nice guys into the friend zone, then bitch that they can't find a nice guy (UM YOU HAVE ONE RIGHT UNDER YOUR NOSE!!!!) the Big F.U.
And women, don't worry. Men are just as guilty. There will be a future rant against such men. Yes, I am an equal opportunity F.U. disher. So men, beware. I'm coming after you as well.
***You can follow me on Twitter at @FuzzyUrlachter or find us on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/DailyDoseOfTheBigFu. Just click the links on the side of this blog.
Aww, Fuzzy! I really liked your article, it's probably been one of your best reads so far.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I do have a question for you. When these girls have cried to you about never finding a nice guy, have you ever just told them how you feel? Even at a later time when they are less vulnerable? If not ... than you are contributing to that cycle of bitching. If you never say anything, you'll never know. You'll always be left wondering what if and continue to assume that these chicks are idiots. Even if you get rejected, at least you tried!! Just because you know you're a good guy doesn't mean she does, no matter what signs and signals are being thrown out there.
Now in terms of us ladies always dating the asshole ... I think a good majority of us have been there. All of my previous relationships were with those guys!! However, over the last year I've been lucky enough to get one of the good ones. But in the beginning, it was me being the dick. Why he stuck around that long, I'll never know. I'm thankful that I got my shit together and got over myself.
My light bulb moment wasn't until I read a thesis by some chick on the internet that talked about how women are programmed about what they think love and romance should be, based off of what we see in movies and on TV. Who knew that all that fake junk actually affect millions of us so deeply?? Unfortunately it's true.
All we ever see in films is how so and so met each other, over came a crazy obstacle to be together and then rode off into the sunset to happily ever after land. What they never show after the credits roll, is the day to day normality that sets in. She stops wearing makeup and blows an occasional fart ... he'd rather stay in, watch tv while wearing his old nasty underwear on her new loveseat. They don't make movies about that stuff because it's boring, is too real and doesn't sell. While we know the stories are exaggerated fabrications, we still expect underlying issues of falling in love and being with someone to be true. It's sick! Real guys are not like guys in the movies, nor are the women ... or how any of us fall in love and continue keep it working!
Realizing that this thesis hit a little too close to home for me, I changed my attitude, pronto. No one has ever treated me as good as my boyfriend ... and I had to get over him being a "nice" guy for good ... or he'd end up giving his affections to someone else. I'm happy that I wised up ... seriously, who the fuck did I think I was????
Another thing to consider is most of us only take the love we think we deserve. If you don't think much of yourself ... taking shit from someone can easily slip into what is acceptable. If you don't love yourself or know you deserve more, man or woman, we will continue to end up with the jerk.
Anyway, keep your head up, Fuzzy! Someone will recognize the great guy you are. All I can saw in the meantime to get the ball rolling, is to grab your balls and plunge in, buddy! Good luck!
Leah
Leah, thank you for the response. You are the first person to ever comment on one of my posts.
DeleteI want to make sure I am understanding your first question. You ask me if I ever let these girls know how I feel. Are you asking if I ever told them my feelings before the whining or after? A few times, yes, before. Before they started seeing another guy. I don't think it is right to express your feelings when someone is vulnerable. That is something an asshole would do, in my opinion, trying to take advantage of a girl who may be in a fragile state of mind.
Now, have I mentioned anything after, when some time has passed, and she has heeled? Only on a few occasions. The girl I mentioned in my article, "Allison" is an example. I didn't say anything before because I didn't think she would be throwing herself at "Dean" not when things were really starting off well between us, and not when I thought there was true interest on her part.
However, after she woke up and realized what "Dean" was, I did let her know. The night she called me and was crying about how she only finds assholes and can't find a nice guy, I did say to her, "Um, you had a nice guy right here but you chose to turn your attention to someone else. Instead of giving me a look, you flocked to the guy all you girls find hot. So, I may not look like Dean but I am no monster. So don't cry to me about not finding nice guys. When you girls do, you push them into the friend zone, and run right back into the arms of an asshole. So, forgive me for not feeling sympathy for you, especially since I did try to warn you about him."
As far as other girls, no, never told them afterward how I felt. By then, it was too late. Any feelings I had developed were long gone. I did what I had to do for myself, and that was push them out of my life.
And I agree with you. The guys in Hollywood movies are not how men are in real life. And same goes for females. And I think that is part of the problem. Hollywood, and society in general portray a certain image of a man and woman. And people think they need to live up to that image. We all see the dangers of that (which may be a good topic for an article for another day).
Love and relationships take work. They take a commitment by both parties. It is a give and take situation. Sometimes, you may have to give up something to make the person you love happy. Then again, you should also understand the things your significant other enjoys and not take that away from the person.
Leah, I can tell you another story regarding your comment about "the love we deserve." I told that line to another female friend of mine. She laughed at me. But you know what? It is so true.
And remember ladies, the men will be getting equal time here, for we are not without blame. We are part of the problem, maybe a major part of it. :)
No, I wasn't assuming your were some douche that preyed on vulnerable women! Ha! I worded that SO wrong. Actually what I meant was telling them how you felt AFTER they were finished being vulnerable! A later time, etc. My bad!
ReplyDeleteBut it's understandable to loose feelings for someone after they put you in the friend zone, for sure. Especially with "Allison" and "Dean".
But you never know ... one day you might find one that is worth telling and fighting for!
Crossing my fingers for you, my friend! Cheers!
Fuzzy, my dear friend :) love reading your point of views, you know I do! You say so many things that so many others feeling. Wonder if you will let me write an article based on a girls perspective of the dreaded friend zone? We have been there too! And boy do I have stories. And it will eventually lead to meeting the assholes and exactly like Leah said "we accept the love we think we deserve".
ReplyDelete