Monday, January 7, 2013

First Big. F.U. Award Goes to....



Welcome to the first ever Big F.U. award presentation. As promised, I will dish out the big F.U. to people who piss me off. No one is safe, no matter if you are a celebrity or a group of just regular, every day people. Unlike other blogs, I will not kiss the ass of a so-called celebrity. Their wealth, fame, and power scare me not. And if I offend you by posting about your favorite celebrity, oh well. I don’t care. Start your own blog and do all the ass smooching you want. Think it will get you somewhere with your celebrity crush? Think again. They really don’t care one bit about you. Unless, of course, you are buying their products; products they are NOT making themselves yet collecting MILLIONS in royalties while some poor six year old in China slaves in a crowded and overheated sweat shop for five cents a day just for a scrap of bread. Anyway, on to the reward.

This blog was started because several celebrities piss me the hell off. But one in particular is the inspiration for the Daily Dose of the Big F.U. Who is it you ask? Sit back and I will tell you.
This person, in my most humble of opinions, is a talentless hack. Her only claim to fame is her ass. Oh and a sex tape. What has she done to entertain and benefit society? Nothing from what I can tell. Her reality TV show (geez, I hate calling these shows reality because they are SCRIPTED, and anyone who believes these shows aren’t scripted have watched one too many and now suffer from dead brain cells) sucks. Her marriage lasted 72 days (yet somehow the gay and lesbian community will be the downfall of the sacred institution of marriage, not the heterosexual couples who marry for the wrong reasons and divorce at a 60% clip). She STILL isn’t divorced, legally, and probably won’t be until the summer when basketball season is over. Kris, you are playing this well my man, keep it up! So, while still legally married to one man, she gets impregnated by another (someone who may wind up on this blog one day as well). Oh, and to top it off, it is possible she will have the baby before her divorce is final.

This is the same woman who, according to her friend Lisa Gastineau, “wants babies.” And now that she is pregnant, she complains “it’s not as easy as people think.” Thank you for that you friggin genius. I’m a man and even I could tell you that carrying a child inside you isn’t easy. I envy every woman who conceives a child. And I sympathize with these women. Anyone with a brain, and common sense, could tell you pregnancy isn’t easy. But then again, when you are dealing with someone who didn’t have to earn one piece of wealth, fame, and fortune, and who everything comes easy to, can you really expect anything less?  It isn’t easy. Shut up. Just shut up.

Who am I describing? Well, none other than Kim Kardashian. This woman is only famous because of, let’s face it, her father, oh and her huge ass. Really, guys find that sexy? I don’t. It is such a turn off. And can anyone say this girl is talented? Does it really take talent to wear a bikini on a beach and pose for a camera? I could take pictures of my next door neighbor wearing a bikini and posing provocatively as well, but I doubt any of you want to see a 400 pound hairy dude looking all sexy for the camera. Ok, I think I threw up a little just thinking about that. Shudders at the thought.

And really Kim, is Kanye West the best you could do? The next time he interrupts Taylor Swift, she should kick him in his fugly mouth. But then again, Taylor Swift is a classy lady, unlike today's winner of my Big F.U. award. Was Kris Humphries too much of a man (or too white) for ya? I mean, any guy who wears one of your skirts to perform in front of a crowd (who looked bored to tears with your performance Kanye) has to be a real man, right? Do you sink to the lowest of the lows for your men?

My wish for 2013: Kim Kardishain just goes away, that the media stop kissing her overly large ass and keep her out of the news. I don’t care that she is pregnant (God, I feel so bad for that kid being raised by two talentless and clueless parents). I really don’t give a rat’s ass about her and her man screwing around in the back of a freaking limo (I mean, come on. If that isn’t trash, I don’t know what is). And let’s stop calling her attractive. I can name 100 women much more attractive than her. Face it, she isn’t picked to model swimwear based on her looks. If she didn’t have a huge ass (and again, how can ANYONE find that sexy), or huge boobs, would anyone really give her a second look? Hell, I don’t even give her a first look, unless I have the sudden urge to purge last night’s dinner from my stomach before being fully digested. So Kim, please, make my one wish in life to come true: disappear and never return. Your fifteen minutes have been up a long time ago.  

Oh and Kim, you want to give people the middle finger? Well, here is one for you sweetheart!

There you have it people: Kim Kardashian, the first recipient of the Big F.U. award. Who will be recipient number two? Just have to tune in and see.

***You can follow me on Twitter at @FuzzyUrlachter or find us on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/DailyDoseOfTheBigFu. Just click the links on the side of this blog.